Work was crazy today. I think the post-holiday rush is even worse than the pre-holiday one, but at least nobody yelled at me. Still, out of the 1,518,475 people that live in Suffolk County, I'm fairly certain that 1,400,000 walked through our doors today.

I need a drink.

I'm a little bummed that I don't have a date for New Year's Eve, and this feeling makes me mad. I have never ever been the kind of girl that needed to have a boyfriend to feel good about herself, so why am I so depressed about the fact that I don't?

(Maybe it's the 8 million couples around me, all happy and busy making doe eyes at each other. Ugh.)

Oh well. Tomorrow night I will wear the MOST AWESOME DRESS EVER. Well, okay, it's just a red swing dress, but it's so pretty and that will make me happy.

This entry was originally posted at http://sometimesyoufly.dreamwidth.org/1149.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

I crave the comfort of anonymity. The internet used to be a place for me to tell all my secrets to strangers who knew everything and nothing about me all at once. Now I feel like there is too much of me out there.

If you google my name, you can't find me. I'm glad for that, because though I'm the last generation that bridges the gap (I can actually remember life before the internet) I miss the days when I could say anything online without anybody in my real life knowing (or understanding) a single word.

I miss writing out my feelings without the fear of upsetting somebody. I miss being able to say anything, and not worry that somebody at work might use it against me. And maybe that's my own fault, sharing too much with friends and coworkers over Facebook and Twitter, but honestly, that's just the way the world works, these days.

But I don't have to like it.

My attempt at a quiet re-entry, on a night where I am rather maudlin. Forgive me.

This entry was originally posted at http://sometimesyoufly.dreamwidth.org/945.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

So who remembers when I was in that cautiously optimistic relationship? The one that ended last week?

Yeah. About that.

I'm kind heartbroken, and trying desperately not to just spend all my time bawling like a baby. Things with Steve (the boy) weren't perfect and I'm not crazy enough to delude myself that they were, but I really liked him, and being with him made me really happy. We didn't even have a fight or anything. He just told me, that even though I was great (pretty and smart and he had a great time when he was with me and could talk to me for hours [and often did]) he wanted to slow down, so we could see other people. Basically, he wants to sleep with other girls.

I was not okay with that, which I told him, and so we ended things.

I am very sad. It's been about a week, and I still just want to cry. Haven't spoken to him, either, though I couldn't help myself and called a few times. He didn't answer. I know that he was upset, because he started crying before I did, and I know that he both liked me and cared about me, and I honestly just think he's so fucked up in the head from past relationships that he doesn't know a good one when it hits him over the head.

I am trying to move on. I have a date for Saturday night (ee!) which I can't help but feel guilty about. I'm not used to having more than one guy interested in me, and now a part of me can't help but think "Well, maybe Steve and I can see other people, and it wouldn't bother me..." which I know is just a giant lie, because HELLO SARAH! ARE YOU STUPID?! OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE JEALOUS! If after 4 months of being together, he can't say that he only wants to be with me, I don't think he'll ever be able to do that. But logic and reasoning don't really help.

I just keep telling myself that it's going to be okay, and that I will meet somebody else (which I kinda already did) and that I will get over Steve, but I all I really want to is to just stop feeling so sad.

I know, I know, long time no talk. I've been a bad blogger, but life just hasn't been that interesting for me to update.

Though. That's a lie.

I met a boy. A boy who may or may not be reading this, so we'll keep this part short. I met him the weekend before Christmas, at a Wizard Wrock show in New Jersey. His name is Steve, and it's only been a month and a half, but I dunno, I kinda like him. :-)

( Clicky for pics of him! )

In work news, I sorta got a new 'promotion' at Apple. I say it like that, because there's no raise or anything, just a little more responsibility, but a lot of new experiences, which I'm really looking forward to. I'll be mentoring new hires, and just helping with training within the store. It'll be fun.

AND. Last but not least, I'm in a Wizard Wrock band! We're called The Christmas Crackin' Daddies, and we've got a bit of a swing sound. We've yet to record a song, but we did perform at that show that I met Steve at (though he was late, and didn't see me perform.) Once we've got some music recorded, I'll post them here for you all to listen to!

I am so tired of complaining about this to everybody and their mother, but oh god, my chest burns. This rash that I've got looks like it's getting better, but it's so uncomfortable, and I think it's partially from the cream that the doc gave me. It's econazole nitrate, and some of the side effects include burning & redness of the skin. I want to stop using it very badly, but I know can't. I am going to the dermatolgist tomorrow, and I'm hoping for something better. I started spreading aloe gel on it, which is soothing for like, three minutes.

In other news, I had a glorious day off, today. I'm completely caught up on TeeVee, and I started doing a bit of cleaning! Shocking, I know.

Who's watching Flashforward? Anybody?

I had my yearly review at Apple today. It went well, even though I had a really tough year there. A few months ago, I had what we call a 'touchbase', which means that my manager and I sit down and talk about my time on the job, what's working, and what's not. Last year was a good clusterfuck for me, and my monthly showed that.

However.

As terrible as my monthly was, it kinda kicked me the ass to do better. And I did, apparently almost right away, too. So I knew my yearly was going to be a little tough, it was actually much better than I was expecting. The part talking about my strengths was glowing, and the part with my opportunities ended with "Sarah has recommitted herself to her job" which made me SO HAPPY.

There's nothing like working your butt off, and getting that acknowledgement that you needed. Also, I got a tiny raise, (4%) which is nice.

In other news, I WANT THESE: Special Edition Neil Gaiman's Smoke & Mirrors - Special Edition Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere - Lisa Snelling's Neil Gaiman Poppet (I might actually buy the last one... Also, anybody sensing a theme here? And yet I have no Neil icons... hm, this is an issue.)

WHY AM I NOT INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY SO I CAN OWN MY OWN LIBRARY?!

1. I've gotten my mother into Supernatural. She's a housewife, and complains that there's nothing on TV for her to watch during the day, so I set up the DVD player in the kitchen (the TV was always too old for a DVD player before) and taught her how to use it. And then I gave her my binder of 250 DVDs, opened it up to S1 of SPN and put the first disc in.

That was last week. She just started season 4 about an hour ago. I'm very proud of her, even if she thinks it's kinda silly (which you know, it kinda is... even if the boys are v. pretty).

2. I'm OBSESSED with Friday Night Lights. It's been streaming on Netflix, and when I finished that, I had to order season 3 from Amazon right away. Apparently, if you put hot boys in uniforms, I'll like anything. Including football.

3. I have a rash. I am miserable. I'm fairly certain it's a fungus, which is SO gross, because it's all over my neck and the underside of my chin. Last week, the doctor gave me steroid pack to take, and four days later, when it didn't get any better, and in fact, got a lot worse, AND I gave it to my coworker Justine, I went back and he gave me some anti-fungal cream. I feel very. very. very. Gross.

Ugh. I really just want to whine, lol.

meme: a sharing week

Seven days of sharing; this is day two.

day one. a song.
day two. ( a picture )
day three. a book/ebook/fanfic
day four. a site
day five. a youtube clip
day six. a quote
day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

Day Two: My birthday in July 1st, right smack in the middle of the summer. For my Sweet Sixteen, I didn't have a giant party in a hall, like most girls... I had a costume party. So this picture is my and (at the time) my three best friends. We had dressed up as Spice Girls, and I was Scary Spice. It was a great party, and I loved our costumes, but this photo is vaguely bittersweet for me. Of those three girls, I'm only still friends with one of them, Sporty Spice, on the right.

Day One: the song is Running the Dark, Alone. It's by MaryBeth, and it's one of her Dr. Who/Torchwood songs, about Jack Harkness. It's utterly brilliant, and vaguly spoilery for Torchwood, but I haven't seen it yet, and I wasn't upset by the song. It's beautiful, and everybody should listen to it.

I have had an amazingly busy & fun week. I worked from Monday & Tuesday, got sick on Wednesday, so I called out of work, and ended up with 5 days off. Of which, today is the last day. It's been AMAZING. I was supposed to go down to Dragon*Con, but last minute plans fell through, so I stayed up in good ole New York instead.

BUT. There was awesome adventures anyway! My friend MaryBeth is a Wizard Rocker, or Wrocker, if you will. If are a Harry Potter fan, and you don't know what that is, you are missing out, let me tell you. She's a musican that makes music about Harry Potter, and there's a WHOLE genre of it on the internets. (Go to myspace.com/naginilove if you want to check her out, she's pretty good... ) Anyway, her friend Zoe is visiting from the UK, and she's also a Wrocker, so last Friday night, the two of them played a show in Brooklyn, which was awesome and super chill. It was Zoe first show in a long time, but she rocked it. I took some video, that I will be soon fashioning into something real to watch, I'll post it when I do.

Then we spent the rest of the week watching a TON of Dr. Who. MaryBeth recently got me into it, and OMG, I'm obessed. It's such a good show, I'm kicking myself for not watching it in the first place.

This past friday, we went to this recording studio that MaryBeth's friend John owns, and the two girls recording a joint album together, which sounds AMAZING. I can't wait for it to be finished mastering, I'm going to listen to the CD on repeat. It's half Harry Potter music, and half Dr. Who (which is called Trock [Time Lord Rock]). I also took video of that, it will be shared soon.

AND THEN, on Saturday we went to the Renn Faire. It was a day filled with sun and friends and meat on a stick and awesome. I took pictures!

( Click for pics! )


And then I spent Sunday and today recovering. It was a long couple of days, lol.

Anyway, I like this meme thing, so....

meme: a sharing week

Seven days of sharing; this is day one.

day one. a song.
day two. a picture
day three. a book/ebook/fanfic
day four. a site
day five. a youtube clip
day six. a quote
day seven. whatever tickles your fancy


Day One: the song is Running the Dark, Alone. It's by MaryBeth, and it's one of her Dr. Who/Torchwood songs, about Jack Harkness. It's utterly brilliant, and vaguly spoilery for Torchwood, but I haven't seen it yet, and I wasn't upset by the song. It's beautiful, and everybody should listen to it.

Danielle: lets just run away together
to romania
and become gypsys
*nods enthusiastically for the both of us
Sarah: ooh Instead of Romania, lets go to England and become recluse scholars
Danielle: oh good
i like that too
Sarah: we can get a little cottage
Danielle: awww
Sarah: and just line the walls with books
Danielle: YES
omg
this is making me jealous
Sarah: with a room with a southern view, with all glass
Danielle: i want this
with rich velvet
Sarah: that we can use for our art
Danielle: draperies
Sarah: and tapestries we make our selves
Danielle: with unicorns
Sarah:and mythical beasts

(This message brought to you by AIM and two forlorn and overly imaginative girls...)

So I've been meaning to make this post for a LONG time, but for some reason or another, I just never got around to it. There are a lot of factors to this, but mostly I just wasn't feeling very fannish, or very inspired. Between work and real life, by the time I got to the internet, I was just too tired to participate in much.

However. I have recently been reinvigorated. Thank you Star Trek, Harry Potter & Dr Who. Also, thank you friends who make me watch TV when I'm not sure if I want to.

So my last update was on election day. That was um, 9 months ago? So um, I could attempt to recap all of that, but I won't do that too anybody. Basically, life happened. I went to work every day. I took a trip to Maine to see rissaqjennings that was awesome; took a trip New Orleans to see my best friend that ended a friendship. Went to I-CON 28 and am now planning my trip to Dragon*Con. Hung out with all of my awesome friends, and recently re-evaluated who I considering 'awesome friends'. Also, am getting ready to start a Wizard Wrock band.

TL;DR - STUFF HAPPENED AND IT WAS BORING, PEOPLE.

Recently, I realized that I wasn't that happy with my life, so I decided to come back to the stuff that makes me smile. Fandom is that place, so here I am! I expect at some point in the very near future I'll be making graphics and stuff again. And maybe even doing a bit of drabbling once again.

So, did you miss me? (LIE TO ME PLEASE!)

Four years ago, I was sitting in much the same spot, in front of my computer and my television, frantically refreshing my browser while CNN played on my TV, a chat window open with a few friends, keeping me sane after my first presidental election. Last time, close to the same time as it is RIGHT now, I was watching my TV in dismay, completely unbelieving that Bush had been voted in for a second term. But then I was only 21, young and only caring about politics in a very vague way. It stunned and upset me, but I knew we'd move on, and we'd live through it.

Well, we lived through it. Four years later I have friends fighting in a war I don't believe in, boys who love each other, and can't get married, a cousin who lost his job in the stock market crash, and a father who's afriad he might lose his. I work for a retail store, and I would have to be worried about my job if a real recession hits.

This time, it's real and it's close to him.

Now, I'm sitting in my bed, my TV on and my laptop working overtime, with a chat window open and facebook and my blogs and my friends blogs as we all waited to find out the results of the election that will be in the history books. One day, my children are going to read about this, and I can say that I was there, that I helped and voted and actually made a difference. I helped to make history today. What an amazing feeling. CNN said "We're going to remember where we were on this historical night." And that's so true (though my answer to my friend Tara was 'In bed? Blogging?').

I have coworkers whose facebook status is things like “I’ll keep my freedom, my guns, and my money. You can keep THE CHANGE.” VOTE MCCAIN-PALIN 08." Romans 1:16. and feels like Americans just f#$ked themselves over by electing Obama. Socialism is not the answer. and even prays that McCain and Palin win. If not, America will get what it asked for. Hope they're ready for the consequences.

But as I sit here watching Obama's speech, and I can't be anything but hopeful. How can you not be, listening to somebody talk about how they want to fix this, how they want to make this country united and respected again. And gods, how do you not love Michele Obama? She's the definition of class and eloquence, and he's kids are SUPER CUTE. They're getting a puppy, yay!

This night I have cried, but not the sad tears. These are the tears of a person who believes again, who can't stop smiling and giggling.

I'm having a party on Inauguration Day.

HE WON HE WON HE WON

I'm crying, I'm SERIOUSLY CRYING, PEOPLE.

andnowI'mhavingapanicattack

*deep breath*

I was FINE all day, despite being nervous nervous, but as soon as I got into my little voting booth, I suddenly realized "OMG, THIS IS IT," clicked my little Obama lever (and then down the rest of the party lines), got into my car

AND PROCEEDED TO FREAK OUT.

We're going out tonight, for my coworkers 21st birthday, to a bar where we can chill and watch CNN like crazy people. Well, where I can watch CNN like a crazy person. It's either that, or sitting in my bedroom watching CNN alone.

God, can it be over already, please?

Hi everybody and welcome to November, and guess what?! It's time for Christmas Cards! Usually, I like to make my cards by hand, so I like the get an idea of about how many I'm going to need to make. In order to make this SUPER easy for me, I made a Google Poll, instead of an LJ poll, because this will email me when there's a new response, and I won't have to jump between LJ and IJ for results.

Click here for form!

No on Prop 8
Apple is publicly opposing Proposition 8 and making a donation of $100,000 to the No on 8 campaign. Apple was among the first California companies to offer equal rights and benefits to our employees’ same-sex partners, and we strongly believe that a person’s fundamental rights — including the right to marry — should not be affected by their sexual orientation. Apple views this as a civil rights issue, rather than just a political issue, and is therefore speaking out publicly against Proposition 8.

Guys. GUYS. I LOVE MY COMPANY.

No matter the drama that goes down, no matter what people say about Apple Geeks being nerds, or the fact that I'm an Apple Fangirl (hee!), this is the reason why I work for my company.

Oh my god, you guys. I basically (almost) have had the best weekend ever. All week, I'm been working with my friends MaryBeth & Dan on their Wizard Wrock music, (check them out over at myspace.com/naginilove! I even made them a music video!)

Anyway, it was a crazy week getting CD's made and t-shirts and editing videos and all kinds of stuff that go with being a Harry Potter geek and loving Wizard Wrock, and all so we can get ready for an awesome fun weekend of even MORE WROCK!

MaryBeth aka Nagini had volunteered to play at Wrock for Dafur, this awesome event upstate that was a benefit concert for Darfur. We had a great time, Nagini featuring Alstor (our friend Dan) rocked it with some awesome music. We made some really good new friends, and I got to meet Andrew Slack, the founder of the HP Alliance. He was such a cool guy, and SO passionate about everything that he believes in, it's impossible not to believe it too. The event itself was really big, in a park right on the Husdon River that was really pretty. We had a great day, and raised a lot of money. It was really inspiring, to the point that I want to host my own house party.

We spent the night at the local Unitarian church, with the girls that ran the event, and the awesome friends that we made. There was a lot of giggling involved, and not a lot of sleep, considering we were with something like 12 teenage girls, but I haven't had that much fun in a night in a long time. I didn't even mind the 4 hours of sleep on a hard floor at all.

After that, we got in the car and started to drive the 2 hours to the local(ish) Ren Faire (it was the weekend of Magic & Mystery), and got horribly lost, which wasn't that bad, as we made it in time for Nagini to check in and get our passes for the day. We had a great time there, too, where Nagini and Alstor played two sets, and we did a little shopping and chilled out in the heat. At the end of the day, they played at the Pub, where they were the only people not singing bawdy chanteys, but were still much loved by all. It was probably their best performance all weekend, and very very awesome.

However.

We were getting ready to drive back home (a two hour drive, or so) when I realized my brakes weren't really responding the way they're supposed to. As in, not at all. So we pulled over, Dan called AAA, and we got towed to the local shop. I would like to point out that it's something like 9pm on a Sunday night, in a place were they still have Blue Laws, so there was no way we were getting it fixed then. We had to book a room at a hotel (spending ALL the money we made on CD's) and leave my car.

This morning, we called the mechanic, who told us that my brakes were rotted out, and I need a whole lot of stuff done to get it drivable, and here's the best part... THEY CAN'T DO IT ALL TODAY. Um. Awesome. Really. Right now, we're waiting on an estimate, so I can call my dad and hope against hope he can help me pay for it, as I don't think I'll be able to do it all myself. We're chilling in the hotel lobby, which has internet, at least. before deciding if we're going to take a train home or call Dan's mom to see if she'll pick us up. I had to call out from work, and Dan might miss his interview at Apple, but at least we're with each other, and we got to sleep in comfortable beds and shower, even if we don't really have clean clothing, at least my hair has been washed and brushed.

Guess what guess what guess what?!

I got a tattoo!

http://gallery.me.com/faile02#100024

Anybody that can guess where it's from gets a cookie!

(I figured it was time to post for mine.)

So, as I cannot afford to make it all the way across the country *sob* for Xie's Pridefest, I'll be having my own thing in New York.

I'll be with a bunch of my boys, including my quietly gay coworker, and (hopefully) my fabulously gay ex-boyfriend. However, if there are ANY QaFers who are planning on going, and would like to meet up, let me know! I would love it to be our own little gathering.

Here are my pictures from last year.: http://gallery.mac.com/faile02/100008


***

In other news, I really haven't updated since MAY? SERIOUSLY? I swear, I'm on this thing every day... I don't know why I haven't managed to update. I think a lot of it has to do with working with both people and computers all day. All I want to do when I get home is watch a movie or read and get as far away from the computer as possible. Not really good for my fandom life.

I was recently outed at work for writing gay porn. Specifically gay Harry Potter porn. My coworker dared me to recite some aloud (we were at Dave & Busters, in the bar) and I nearly peed myself, I was laughing so hard. He didn't think I would do it... Honestly, playing the HP fandom has made me incapable of embarrassment. Anyway, now I'm writing him some Harry/Ron, in the Gryffindor Common room, with the invisiblity cloak, and possibly an engorgement charm. He said he wanted freaky magic sex. I'm not very good with freaky magic sex, but I think that'll do it for him. Besides, it's been awhile since I wrote actual porn, I'm a little rusty.

I finally got Photoshop installed on my Mac. Expect a graphic meme in the near future.

Speaking of macs... I have this awesome MacBook Pro, with this awesome built in iSight (webcam).... Anybody want to video/audio chat one of these days? I promise it'll be fun! I'm fun to talk to, really!

****

And now, a poll! I had an arguement with a friend the other day, that people who tend to be more liberal more often use Macs. Obiviously this isn't the case of all lIberal people, or Apple would have a much larger market share, but I stared wondering how many QaFers used them, as we're some of the most liberal people I know. So. Poll for me!

Poll #1902
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

The type of computer I use is